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Fred Beukema @beukema Minneapolis, MN

Struct Eng, Improv, husband/dad. || You may think that you crave true love, but it is not a game for cowards. Neither is Scrabble. - Onion horoscopes

190 Following   375 Followers   3,902 Tweets

Join Twitter 5/3/09

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@unclegrambo indeed. Netflix is missing opening tag lines, location names, and foreign language subtitles, at least in S1-3. Prime has them.@asperschlager Has taglines in the opening credits, location labels throughout, and subtitles for foreign-language stuff.@unclegrambo @kumailn Great news (though Amazon Prime is still the best way to stream it).@thegynomite In a dimension in which Elvis was never born, it will have to do.But when are we going to see Strong Bad's emails? #Fhqwhgadzi
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaSpending the morning at Rarig for work. Worlds collide.
3/5
2015
In Mpls? Need a big, decent, CRT TV (32")? Or a queen-sized mattress pad for a sleeper sofa? Let me know.@fivemanjob These fuckin’ guys… “I’m calling from Windows” will never not be funny.A movie about Amy Pascal and Seth Rogen where he's the Homer Simpson to her Frank Grimes.@johnmoe Chappiness is the truth.@section_sign Could be origin of language policing? College won't use word that could result in libel suit bc conviction won't happen.@chris_steller @section_sign https://t.co/pc2nskedUU@section_sign One problem is that while it's fair to the issue, it kind of treats the abusives as existing separately.@section_sign Headline writers suck. The piece is significantly better than the headline.The 4yo complaining about her toast being crunchy somehow fits today's #KingvBurwell milieu
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3/4
2015
A weasel on a woodpecker? That's all you've got?! Try a little harder next time... @HABA_usa —WEM http://t.co/9huiobYsP5
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob So good. Norton does a passable job with that string of jargon.@RandBall @StribJany The cropping on this photo means it raises more questions than it answers.@kumailn Amazon Prime and Hulu Plus should still have it, with on-screen titles intact!@dbrauer Mpls claims to recycle #7, so I do the clam-shucking thing when we have used pods. Am a fan of the refillable pod.@StribRoper Would love to see this overlaid on a map to scale, with an estimate of the value of properties in the footprint.This--> “@DavidBerthold: The 'tide of the century' turns Mont St Michel into an island for first time since 1879. http://t.co/w80C9b7c3s
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@sarahaswell Yikes! I’m so sorry - that looks awful. Recommend application of new baby bundle to the site until healed and beyond.
3/3
2015
Mr. Mayor needs to get with it and learn his facts about Minneapolis politics before harassing Nicole! http://t.co/iLsh2Muh3Y
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3/2
2015
*Seven* cops and prosecutors swore that a Louisiana man assaulted a cop. Cell phone video showed that they all lied. http://t.co/w2u9ohafUP
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaOffer on a house. Fingers crossed.Guys who are enemies of Putin seem to have the worst luck.
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2/28
2015
@kumailn - As @joshdcarson pointed out, distracting our attention was his last act of heroism.“A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.” Leonard Nimoy’s finest work. https://t.co/XlQKy4Gst0
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaAlready submitted my new article “The Dress and the Unreliability of Eyewitness Identification” to several law reviews
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@stoatno1 @AlliJFoley The autoplaying video on that thing is some high-level trolling by the Times.You guys! This (sunny) morning in our (shaded) backyard, all the snow was blue! BLUE. SNOW! http://t.co/tQawPf0r2u
2/27
2015
@section_sign Ah, so idea would've been to get House GOP to say "Jeez, you two, calm the f down, we can work this out. God!"@section_sign Help me out: can't find Odysseus inside this wooden horse. What's the upshot?@fivemanjob Main building or annex?Biking generates as much economic activity in MN as hunting and snowmobiling combined #MNBikeSummit
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@RobinKimball Jealous on both fronts. We had Lizzo do monologues in our improv show once last year; she's awesome.
2/26
2015
@beatonna Medieval peasants, Gatsby. Now I'm imagining Daisy saying that as a sentence, and it amuses me.@StarTribune @kwmurphy Kronfeld? The hell?Your ways were unconventional, but you'll be missed Macklin. #ParksFarewell To learn about a real FBI career, visit http://t.co/HIYV9b74KC.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign Least helpful "helpful" toiletry move since Colgate added triclosan to their toothpaste.@section_sign So it's basically "no, you're pretty -- you're prettier when you smile!" which, unsolicited, is, of course, harassment.@section_sign Not clear to me #TwitterDove is even trying to discourage harassment, but to discourage women from posting negative feelings.
2/25
2015
@orchlibrarian Amazing. What piece is that?@kumailn As opposed to what?I think I named the store Food and Stuff and Harris named Chris' favorite store Grain 'n Simple. #ParksFarewell http://t.co/E6NIkEzutW
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@DthomasJournals $25 for DEPOSIT SLIPS? Better be a lifetime supply.If someone pitched a "live action Simpsons w/elements of Cheers & The Office," no one would believe it could be pulled off. Parks did. 2/4
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaWarren G and Kenny G finally perform "Regulate" together: http://t.co/KFU8wwVCAP http://t.co/6ENNMsLqHu
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2/24
2015
Join us tonight, won't you? Show X. @hugetheater. 8pm. $7.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@TPM Every generation needs their Jonathan Krohn.@dbrauer @johnmoe Even if it'd come out before I had a son, I expect I'd spend the entire 2 hours openly weeping. Wept through the trailer.
2/23
2015
@soniasaraiya You should see theater and classical music audiences in Minnesota.@blodgett From your timeline to ABC's ears.@blodgett Yes, Jeremy, but neither of those lead to us hearing Julie Andrews pronounce proper foreign nouns.Say what you will about the #Oscars but we've already heard speeches on pay equity, government wiretapping and mass incarceration.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaLET CHRIS PINE CRY, YOU MONSTERS
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThink about what you're wooing for, person who is for some reason wooing
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@jsmooth995 It's ok, though, because she hasn't "had work done."Problem w/"Coin Flip Can Happen" headline on front page of the Sunday paper is, according to the story, it never has. http://t.co/sIMndLZonL
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2/22
2015
@SusanElizabeth @RobinKimball Unretweeted it so I could reretweet it.I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaApropos of #LRT, MN parents: it's worth finding out what the sex ed guidelines are in your kid's district."My 8th grade daughter's assignment for health: write a paper to your 'unborn child' about importance of abstinence." - MN parent, seething
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2/21
2015
@ErikMAdams @OnanRulz China Johnny Brando The King Toscanini Dacron Psycho BelgiansMy friend, colleague, & hero passed away yesterday. I wrote this for Mr. Harris Wittels aka @twittels: http://t.co/M7eW05V4Ae
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@johnmoe Doctor Who, or Doctor Who Not, there is no try. . . I don't really understand the game we're playing here.I asked my daughter to clean her room & here's what she did instead http://t.co/Qkicg4nVAK
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaParks and Rec Actor, Writer and Executive Producer Harris Wittels Passes Away at 30. http://t.co/Zv82EnTfSk http://t.co/Ckzzo9DIxo
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@kumailn I didn’t realize his impact on Parks until our current rewatch. Very funny guy.@kumailn Oh no. That’s terrible.
2/20
2015
Don't say I didn't warn you people.RT @sarapyle1: "Huge swaths of the populace are unknowingly flirting with scurvy" https://t.co/Ql52AjOz8C
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@tvoti Are they accusing The Onion here? Or Clickhole, or what?@josheakright Yesterday @ daycare pickup, observed a toddler whining because he wanted something his dad had already definitively agreed to..@mikefotis They're calling KG the prodigal son, but he's the mess of pottage. #biblestories #literaryallusion #blessed #tbt #yolo@mikefotis Same as the Torii Hunter hire.@mikefotis That and some locker room mentorship. I doubt we can expect much more.@mikefotis Minor attendance bump: purchased!@johnmoe At least they're no longer airing their mistaken impressions of the changing relationships between human dentists and patients.@johnmoe That place needs to institute an automatic, additional layer of signage copy editing. And/or a new creative team altogether.@BeautyBrienne @GameofOwns Daenerys ends up with Jon Snow. Worst one I can imagine actually happening.Hey everybody who says they miss "The Old New York", there's a dead rat frozen in a gross puddle on St. Mark's. Go play it some Lou Reed?
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2/19
2015
@mollybackes Had this with American Psycho the 1st time I saw it. White guys with slicked dark hair! Similarity a plot point that time, tho.@section_sign "Admitted" to wanting to improve things. Scandal!Did you know that March 2nd marks FIVE YEARS of Show X?!?
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@filmspotting @LarsenOnFilm Wha Happened?!In an alternate reality, Governor Emmer is slashing the education budget more to make up for the huge deficit caused by the massive tax cuts
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@soniasaraiya For the next time someone says the Oscars are decent and get things right: http://t.co/Z5lSC6b1bR
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@RobinKimball Between these 2, the Republican Governor's Association's annual contest for Most Villainous is a fucking barnburner this year.My division's cookie supply game is on point this week. Three days for three so far.@section_sign in general, The State of Our Aspect Ratios is weak. So many squished 3:2 images. Major pet peeve.
2/18
2015
In 9 years, Utah decreased homeless numbers 72% by finding & building apts, no questions asked http://t.co/1WIS8QLpme http://t.co/d10WL7fT3H
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@johnmoe Vance! He's always so, so gleeful.
2/17
2015
So, can we be done with The Californians forever now? #SNL40@soniasaraiya Confused: is this public feed going away?@section_sign Dump Bakk now.@PFTompkins Probably not as uncomfortable as @marcmaron.
2/16
2015
Repeal the second amendment.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThis piece on the Chapel Hill massacre is spot on http://t.co/DSOg8V6wX9 http://t.co/PdcuWgBlDp
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2/15
2015
Books are read Essays are due Don't ask for an extension You've known about this assignment for a month #TeacherValentines
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2/14
2015
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