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News Editor (whatever that is) at @empiremagazine, host of the Empire Podcast, and Q&A-hole. It's ok. I wouldn't follow me either. Footy tweets @ChrisHewittLFC.

832 Following   21,750 Followers   54,534 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/11/09

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Amazing photo of lightning and storm. http://t.co/wUFheBgkwQ
Retweeted by Chris HewittRT @MrNickGillespie Meet our assistant script supervisor on Free Fire @Loki_Lego @FreeFireMovie #FreeFire #LegoLoki http://t.co/hshM2QhnNk
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
7/4
2015
@JohannaEllison Have you seen it yet?@NickdeSemlyen We'll see.@JohannaEllison *whispers* He's kidding. Don't fall into his evil trap.@NickdeSemlyen I think that was originally just Stryker, and they added Mystique's eye at the end. Think Kinberg said that on the pod.@conorconneally Thanks, Conor. I didn't think anyone ever listened to the end of the pod!@NickdeSemlyen Same reason she saves the mutant soldiers, including Havok, at the beginning: to stop Stryker from getting/killing them.BACK TO THE FUTURE was released 35 years ago today! "Where we drive, we drive WITHOUT roads!" - Doctor Eric Brown http://t.co/pu7KBEKXR8
Retweeted by Chris HewittDay in the life of that prick with his bag on the seat http://t.co/FuyVMvP94g
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@brycoo NO WAY. SUFFERINFUCK RULEZ.@TiernanDouieb We've been Cubed.@Nickiquote Amazing. Extra points if you didn't google their names..@ChrisHewitt you can almost see Oliver's peyton, Pru's leith and Matthew's fort.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@andydiggle It's the only way to be sure.@TiernanDouieb I think Cube bought all the copies.@Breznican Of course, the best course of action is to watch The Terminator and not bother with Terminator Genisys.'Hey, I wonder when Great British Menu is back on this summer. I know, I'll check the BBC site and OH DEAR GOD NO" http://t.co/AZ7XNF8fJmI know, #firstworldproblems and all, but I'm a big fan of the way Apple Music has replaced many of my album covers with the wrong artwork.@NordlingAICN The Fantanavengers.@NordlingAICN When trouble calls, he can always rely on his pals, The Octagon, James Westfall, and Dr Kenneth Noisewater.Ways to improve Wimbledon: * Revolving umpire * Balldogs™ * Robot Sue Barker * Henman sacrificed in wicker Cliff Richard * Tear gas
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt"And now the greatest female tennis player of all time will be roundly patronised by that buffoon, Garry Richardson."Balls. Of all varieties.@recesnap Oops!"So if we learn from our mistakes, why are we so afraid to make mistakes?" DRIVE THRU LADY: seriously pull forward
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@NickdeSemlyen "And, as you know, my parents died..." "HAHAHAHA THAT IS SO TRUE."I can't help but feel that is all down to me, Twitter. #inspiration #tennis #betheball@ollyog Ha!@ollyog Love.@wimrie76 That's Matthew Smith to you, squire.Serena is hitting the ball so hard it could travel back in time and get caught in a nexus point, giving it memories of an alternate match.I can't help but feel that this is somehow our fault, Twitter.This man is preparing to shout out at a crucial juncture during a tennis match. http://t.co/IIWfqIrVGt@ThatSledge1981 If I start doing TENNIS POINT, we'll never be done.Wife: We need to talk Me: I know you started vaping, I found it in your drawer W: I'm pregnant M: [takes drag] These things taste like piss
Retweeted by Chris HewittPriest: If anyone knows of any reason why these two sh- [from the back] SHE PUTS PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA [best man faints] P: Hail Mary full of g
Retweeted by Chris HewittTENNIS.@simonbrew I genuinely can't remember what the actual one is.@empiremagazine @MarkHarman4 @AliPlumb Or there's that as well!@raymondomahony DAMN YOU, RAYMOND.Be the best you can be, unless the best you can be is better than the best I can be, in which case we need to talk, Raymond.@MarkHarman4 Try emailing bauer@subscription.co.ukKnock knock. ... Knock knock. ... KNOCK KNOCK. ... [muffled] Fuck this, I'm going. [beat] Who's there? Joe Queenan does a knock knock joke.Liam Neeson: I have a very particular set of skills Me: Do they include needlepoint Liam Neeson: Yes they do Me: Neat Neeson: I have an Etsy
Retweeted by Chris HewittCan't see why everyone has hay fever. It's just dried grass, guys, it's not *that* exciting.@McKelvie @kierongillen THE RING MUST BE DEST... No, I'm better than that.A friend sending his tourist photos of Hobbiton. The terrible knowledge strikes: if I went, I'd totally try to have sex there.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@SiRenshaw @IncredibleSuit @sebpatrick @The_Shiznit But the mosasaur appears TWICE in JW before the end. How many times did Queenan pop out?@gray @laurenlaverne FFS, guys.@gray @laurenlaverne This is why I'm a controversial choice to host this year's Brits.@will_full Clones.@flashfanatic1 And 3 is awful, but it has that great ending, for which a lot of its sins are forgiven.Before anyone says it, I know I got the name of Amy Winehouse's Back To Black wrong when talking to @laurenlaverne. And I love that album.@flashfanatic1 It really doesn't. It's absolutely awful. Mind you, I can't remember a thing about Salvation.@joeutichi Holy shit. I was wearing that T-shirt just yesterday. Great times.This is true. This is so true. https://t.co/NvUUZofGYzNo. In fact, HELL NO. http://t.co/hSFpZhOPBVSad to hear the inventor of the football penalty has died. He will be missed by a great many England players.
Retweeted by Chris HewittRELATIONSHIP STATUS: ◻ single ◻ in a relationship ◻ married ◻ engaged ◻ divorced ☑ playing my bassoon (top off) and thinking about the Lord
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@NickdeSemlyen @Jedshepherd I want this car. I need the keys.
7/3
2015
@HelenLOHara He's waiting for the Spooks sequel?@HelenLOHara Aye. He's a bloody scruff.@Waynelittlewood Yep. Lallana likes to keep it that length as he looks 12 years old with a shorter cut. Oh, you mean the other guy.I didn't even have to Google that Game Of Thrones reference. Ok, I totally had to.Lallana's on the move to The Wall for £10m. Pass it on. https://t.co/z38Yhd2FZQ"SIRI TAKE THE WHEEL" "Searching for take aways in Wales" "FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK SIRI THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US" "Calling Marcus"
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@Gaggy3000 @BBC6Music @laurenlaverne Wow. I would happily listen to them doing Friday Film Club. I'll just stand by.To get away from the heat, I've decided to live in Fallout Shelter full-time.@ThomasALX @edfilmfest @PixarInsideOut Impersonate Big Tam on home turf? No fear!I’m not going to watch Magic Mike XXL as I haven’t seen the first 29 films yet.
Retweeted by Chris HewittTelescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.
Retweeted by Chris HewittI do wish that people would stop confusing hysterectomies with vasectomies. There's a vas deferens. #InternationalJokeDay
Retweeted by Chris HewittI hope Mike gets to Hogwarts this time.@RobGirvan Channing ate 'em.@PatWillis WHERE?@tonetalk So everyone's taller in this one? Typical Hollywood. They can't just leave well alone.I see that MAGIC MIKE XXL is only five minutes longer than MAGIC MIKE. I'm struggling to see what's so XXL about it. Please explain.Radio Times poll asking if Today At Wimbledon should replace Wimbledon 2Day says 95% yes. A BBC suit will say, 'See? It's not all bad!'I was only mildly famous in the '90s but vaccinate your kids
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@Hedgeypig Sorry about that. I startled your cat.@TariqAshkanani Don't sleep out of a window. It's impractical.Great sleeping last night, people. Textbook. You all looked very peaceful.I've turned my undies inside out. Technically you are all now in my pants. You disgust me.
Retweeted by Chris HewittBirds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's build a giant statue of Keith Chegwin out of nothing but bin bags.*refills plastic bottle of water despite warning on the label not to do so* so I heard you like bad boys
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
7/2
2015
Finsbury Park by dusk. #picnic #nofilter #attackedbybees #runaway #argh #fuckers https://t.co/IRtBhAzVM6ToohottweetmeltingpleasesndhlpWould happily get bummed by a Snowman right now.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt"My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..." (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* "You give me Green Card now, yes?"
Retweeted by Chris HewittNot only has Simon drawn my joke in record time, he's improved it. Amazing stuff. https://t.co/LI3VXcXk5Q@SimonHeath1 Amazing.@SimonHeath1 Holy cow. Did you just draw that?"This just in" - a caveman introducing a friend to someone called Justin.Lots of people complaining about 'being damp' and 'dripping' in the office. I'm fighting the good innuendo fight, but my grip is loosening.@Okeating The place is going to explode.@Okeating There's a massive semi for the ladies tonight.Blessed to have seen this beauty on the Ashdown Forest nr Crowborough, E Sussex today. #photography #nature #CanonEOS http://t.co/GEh9dUsZCD
Retweeted by Chris HewittTwo years ago today, I got to be a zombie in a photoshoot with Messrs Pegg, Wright & Frost. There were no survivors. http://t.co/Qwo7NYRBoc
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@McKelvie Did a phoner in mine yesterday. I SAID PHONER.
7/1
2015
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